Terrible day.

Such melancholy. I won't say why I didn't go for school here in this post though. Hope I didn't miss alot today.

Sherting's so funny! She just called me..
Sherting:"Hello where are you ah?"
Me:"Er, at home ah."
Sherting:"Ohhhhhhhhh yah horh you never come school today right?"

LOL haha funny sherting :P

For that moment, I really wanted to step out into the road and just the car run me down. It all went wrong. I cried while walking along the road, I couldn't hold back my tears. First is you, second is another you, third is the fucking SBS bus, fourth is my stupidness, fifth is my luck, sixth is the god damn taxis, eighth is school. It all came crashing down, when I was already feeling so melancholic. Life seems so meaningless at that moment. But of course, I didn't have the courage to step out and kill myself. Not.. yet. If you're reading this part which I striked off, maybe you view source or zoom or whatever, just pretend you didn't read anything below, because there is a reason why I want to strike this part off. Thanks alot, babe. Not attending school today morning wasn't a happy thing for me too. Going to school is the only chance I could see you. Now that we're not even talking, seeing you makes me feel glad, or at least, I am able to feel this slight tinge of euphoria. I don't want to miss school, because missing school will mean missing you. I told myself I cannot fall for you anymore, since everything is already in this state. Falling for you even more will lower the chances of us being friends again. I'm forcing myself to just forget about you get you out of my life. But I can't. Maybe I've fallen too deep. Maybe that one week of happiness just gave me too much to reminisce that I can't let go. 8 words have been whirling through my mind; I just want to be friends with you. As cliche as it may sound, IT JUST SEEMS SO IMPOSSIBLE NOW. Really... Just friends will suffice!!! That left me in a dilemma. What am I supposed to do now? Yeah, let nature take its course. But I have the control over my mind, I have to decide on which path I want to take. My legs bring me to where I want to go. If I don't know where to go, how will I ever get moving? No one could fathom how I'm feeling right now, no one. Because its not just about you. There are so many other problems surfacing and I'm just feeling so fucked up. Yeah, see, its to the extent that I start using vulgarities in my blog. I cannot help it, anymore. You're such a happy person that nothing, NOTHING gets you down, I know.. I wished to be like you. I want to be happy, I want to show you that I'm those kind that are happy every day too, not some emo shit girl. I'm posting at my blog about my boring typical every day life instead of complaining and scolding vulgarities like how I used to be. It was all for you. I didn't want you to read all that emo shit and vulgarities(if you even will). I changed, for you. I put in so much effort. Every night being online just to see you online, so that there is still this small chance that we'll talk. Every day waiting for both of us to start talking, SOME TIMES waiting for you to reply, even though I was so tired and wanted to sleep. I got tired, I got tired of doing all this, because at the end of the day, I get nothing but sufferings. What for? Sigh. I find myself so contradicting, somehow. I really don't know what to do right now. I guess I'll just continue like this till 1 day I find the right path to take. I kept on telling myself, over and over again, that LOVE IS NOT ABOUT POSSESSION. But the thing is, we're not even talking now. Not even talking as friends.. I don't know why.. But I think I really fell for you. Trying to pick myself up..

Everything I did was for you.

On a brighter note, yayism, I'm going to meet -censored- later(:

Song running through my head now;
Leona Lewis - Bleeding love

But I don't care what they say
I'm in love with you
They try to pull me away
But they don't know the truth
My heart's crippled by the vein
That I keep on closing

You cut me open and I
Keep bleeding Keep, keep bleeding love
I keep bleeding I keep, keep bleeding love
Keep bleeding Keep, keep bleeding love
You cut me open

& make it okay.. I miss you.